Such an evil song.
I turned it on, and now I feel kind of weird...
Kind of sad...
I do not have much I want to post.
Things are fine at home...
A little boring.
I am starting to get rather lonely and frustrated, though.
I wish I had some 'me' time...
Or some time out with friends...
Sadly, the only friend within any reasonable distance is
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
usagi, but she's still a two or so hour drive away.I feel trapped.
I can't really drive anywhere, and if I did I would be toting my two girls with me...
And by the time John gets home and I could have the car it's getting dark out and I have other things that need to be done.
It would be nice to have a second car, but that is no where in the finances, at least until I get a job...
(But if I had a job, then I would be carrying far more than I could handle and would not be able to enjoy too much free time to drive said car.)
Today Leo is off, so I could not do the things I might normally do (like go online or tune into Netflix on the Playstation...)
He was on his computer today and then he spend a chunk of the afternoon watching Football (or Soccer, whatever you may)...
And the sounds of a cheering crowd and announcers always make me tired, dating back to the days when my dad watched sports...
So now I feel kind of light-headed and not all here...
I wish I had a decent book to read or decent furniture upstairs (like a chair, all we have up there is two air mattresses and a telly on a night stand) so I could just go upstairs and hang out.
Hopefully I can talk someone into buying me a little chair or something...
Or move the chair from the kitchen upstairs...
I'm alright, just frustrated.
I wish I had things to do, and people to do them with.
I miss company...
I only get John on his days off and for a few (2-4) hours on his work days.
It's kind of lonely, you know...
I have my journal and my Facebook, but that is nearly the whole of my communication with the outside world...
And I cannot spend a lot of time online any more, as I have other responsibilities...
So I don't get to have any decent (lengthy) conversations...
And God knows it is insane to try to talk on the phone to anyone for more than a few minutes, as then I have two little angels fighting for my attention...
I hate feeling isolated...
And at the moment, there is not much I can do about it except try to seek out friends locally...
But locally is...
Well, I'm in the middle of nowhere...
(And I am not so easy to make friends, as I am rather shy in person.)
*sighs*
I'm trying not to let it bother me...
But I really, really miss people, as much as I am not fond of the human race. *snickers*
- Mood:
melancholy - Music:Far Behind: Candlebox
₪₪ My daughter has started to sleep in her own bed, willingly. It started from not wanting to sleep in her own bed, to wanting to only if someone was with her, to being alright sleeping alone in her own Dora sheet set. I want to let her know I am so damn proud of her (and relieved) but I don't want to draw so much attention to it that she notices.
₪₪ A few weeks ago I told John I wanted a Vanilla Coke when he asked what I wanted to drink from the convenience store. I was surprised when he returned with one... and I have been able to get one nearly everywhere we've stopped for gas up here. Now, I am confused... Is this seasonal or is it actually popular here? I used to have such issues finding it in Florida... I take that back, I have not had issues, I just plain ole' simply not seen it anywhere.
₪₪ Also, random thought... What is this advertisements on the back of milk gallons? Did I miss the memo? Is this new or regional? What the hell?
₪₪ I'm enjoying the Big Bang Theory... I'm watching it disc by disc through Netflix at the moment. Sheldon reminds me of McKay, were McKay tall, skinny, and younger... *snickers* I love me some McKay....
₪₪ Yes, I think some dorks are hot (like my own personal John).
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:Syunikiss: Malice Mizer
Today was Kaylee's appointment with the Cardiologist.
She's up to 9 lbs and 11 oz.
I'm surprised, because not even two weeks ago she was weighing in at 8 lbs and 13 oz...
Because Kaylee seems to be growing so well, Dr. Paris is not going to talk about surgery yet...
The hole is still there, it's 4 mm, and that's a moderate size...
But it is very clear that Kaylee is handling the VSD (hole in her heart) just fine.
She's healthy, growing, and seems so aware and happy.
I addressed the issue with the supplementing.
At long as she's eating and gaining weight, all is good and I need not worry about trying to force her to drink the formula if she doesn't want it.
Dr. Paris will send all her paper work to Boston Children's Hospital to have them look it over and give an opinion on it.
She is thinking, now, that one of her valves (or arteries, I am not sure, she was addressing me with the information at the moment) might be a little bit thicker than normal (and I am not sure what that will mean).
I will not get my hopes up, but maybe she will not require surgery.
That is a complete turn around from the last appointment.
I'm please.
We are going to go back at the end of March (or whenever the appointment can be made) and her appointment with Dr. Howland is on the 22nd of this month.
- Mood:
pleased - Music:A Kind Of Magic: Queen
I am just not feeling it right now.
I don't know.
- Mood:
numb - Music:Amazing Journey: The Who
And honestly, I do not even feel up to writing anything right now.
Today has been a muddle, my head is quite aching.
I did start a gallery in my Scrapbook here on Livejournal.
It is funny I wait until a month before my paid account runs up to use it.
I do, however, plan to renew my account in March.
Coffinkittie's Icon Gallery
If you are interested in some of my icons I have made, they are mostly all in my Scrapbook now, save for my 52 Snape icons...
I will put them up later, perhaps, but there is still a link somewhere on my journal to them.
I do not really like how the gallery allows you to view them, though, as until you click them one by one they are all disproportionate.
I did figure I would try it out, still.
(If, for some reason you go and look, leave me a comment to what you thought.)
I'm sorry I've been absent so much.
I will work on getting caught up come Monday...
This weekend will be busy, unless the weather gets worse.
Friday after John gets home we will be running errands, shopping mainly.
Saturday afternoon we are suppose to go to New York to get Kaylee's crib from Janet.
Sunday Leslie (
usagi) and Bill are to come by, and John and Leo are talking about heading over to a model train exhibition in Springfield.And damn, I keep forgetting I wanted to write some snail mail for
tat2d_wildheart and teagues_veil.Why do I feel I never have time.
*snarl*
- Mood:
crappy - Music:The Four Of Us Are Dying: Nine Inch Nails
- 10:10 Happy birthday Zoey Abigail! #
- 11:46 God, where did the morning go? #
- 12:31 I don't do sports.... unless bounty hunting is considered a sport (and I want to be doing the hunting, not watching someone else). #
- 13:54 I am really thinking about baking that cake now... XD #
- 14:21 Awww, a little bit of flurries for my baby's birthday. :) #
- 14:53 God, the cake smells so damn good... #
- 16:40 Sinful. #
- 17:16 My daughter came running to tell me that Ming Ming was stuck in a tree.. "Uh oh"... She's too cute. #
- 18:43 I'm sorry, my 'give-a-damn' broke. *blinks* #
- 20:04 John has Twilight on the big screen. Does someone have an ice pick, I need to remove my eyes. #
- 20:37 Apparently my Twitter and Facebook are no longer in sync. #
This entry is to post chickloveslotr's fanfiction drabble, as requested on my meme post (which is open for more request, even if you already received a drabble for me).
I apologize that it took me so long, but I had to watch a few episode and Wiki it. *blinks*
( Request For Chickloveslotr : Habituation )
- Mood:
accomplished - Music:Lost Realist: Trapt
She's growing so fast, I can hardly keep track...
Zoey is a very clever little girl, and every day she amazes me.
She was the start of my new life.
She, and her sister, are the reason why I live.
Here is a photo montage of my little boogey monster.
Happy Birthday Zoey Abigail!
Mummy loves you!
- Mood:
ecstatic - Music:Sunshine: Johnathan Edwards
- 13:09 Why does it only seem to snow when I am sleeping? *sighs* Not much, though, but apparently a little fell. #
- 13:44 I need some pain killer and sound cancelling headphones. XD #
- 13:59 Damn, all that fresh snow is melting fast. *sighs* #
- 14:07 Ah, Kaylee is paging me. I think I'll put in something to watch while I nurse. Can't watch kids shows ALL day (or can they?) #
- 15:18 Finally finished the Tru Blood Disc 2... after, what, a month? Sendning it back today for more Netflix goodies. #
- 16:35 Making something to eat... at lea
st i did not forget today. XD # - 19:06 I never get caught up! *sighs at Inbox* #
- 20:39 I'm attempting to get caught up while Kaylee is napping... don't know what kind of window of time that is, though. #
- 21:00 That was uber short lived (the nap). #
- 22:27 twitpic.com/zy1zz - Is this Zoey... is this Kaylee? Can you figure out who this is? #
- 22:37 Wow, Tim Curry as a wizard again? #
Oh my God! I wrote fanfiction.
*blinks*
I do warn you, who might dare to read these drabbles, I am not too good at writing. I need a lot of work...
But I really wanted to do this...
And I want to do more, so get your arse over to the meme entry (here), and post a request.
And Katie, please let me know a little more about your request, as I have never seen the show.
( Request for Serialbathera : Dancing Queen )
( Request for Bendleshnitz1 : To Blow The Birthday Candles )
P.S.
God, every time I look at these little mood theme images I smile. Look at Rodney go!
Wow, it made my day!
- Mood:
working - Music:Into My Arms: Nick Cave
Our drive way is covered in ice.
The view of the back yard and the moon Zoey keeps pointing out.
One day I will take a decent picture of this house, this shot is from a moving car.
The houses in these townships have a certain feeling... Here is a log cabin.
I think this place is amazing. 
We stopped briefly at Dalton's Main Street Cemetery.
John let me take a few photos before heading into Pittsfield.
Stopped at Mickey D's for lunch. Not so great, but it was nice not to cook.
One of the many, many amazing buildings in Pittsfield.
One day I should go on foot and just take pictures.
I always take pictures of myself, from the same bleeding angle. 
Wow! It's John and I in the same photo! Don't tell him I posted it. XD
I've finished two of the request, and will post them shortly.
(Katie, hun, I need more information...)
Oh, Kaylee is paging me. XD
- Mood:
drained - Music:Anxiety: The Black Eyed Peas
Last year was horrible for me, and my Depression ate at me very well...
It might have only been 22 days in this new year, but I am trying my best to keep positive thoughts.
It is easier now that Kaylee is here in my arms, because looking at her my heart melts.
I made myself a promise.
I need to see the good of the situations in my life.
I need to control how I react, and not stress myself more than I need to be.
I might need some support with that.
So if you see me slipping, remind me:
I am the lucky bloody woman in the world!
That is all (for now).
Thank you.
- Mood:
geeky - Music:One Headlight: The Wallflowers
Today was a strange, busy day...
Kaylee had a doctor's appointment this morning.
She's gained a whole pound in about three weeks, and we are so pleased!
I'm very relieved, as I was worrying about her weight because it's hard to feed her the high calorie supplement (she rather have the breast, and I don't blame her).
I will not have to see Dr. Howland again until the 22nd of next month.
Her cardiologist appointment, with Dr. Paris, is on the 3rd of Feb, and we will find out about surgery then...
Other than that I spent a lot of time doing chores, as Leo was off from work and doing his thing...
I slow cooked some chilli and made some corn muffins for dinner...
And just tidied and washed and all the things I could do to keep me busy when Kaylee was napping.
(Which I suppose she will be up again soon, so I better be quick with this.)
[Well, speak of the devil! *laughs*]
I wanted to get two of the four memes out of the way today.
(I was going to do three, but I need to nurse Kaylee again.)
So here we go.
First one is from chickloveslotr
The first TEN people to comment in this post
get to request that I write a drabble of any pairing/character of their choosing.
In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level.
( The Ups And Downs Of Fanfiction )
Second one is from bendleshnitz1
Pick ten people and give them the "you make my day award".
If you're picked, you are charged with picking 10 of your own.
So, if your name was chosen... Come on down!
You're the next contestant on the make my day meme!
( Are You So Special? )
I leave you with something to think about, something I was trying to explain to my sister, serialbathera, today.
"And know, that you have ALL the control over how you REACT to things when you cannot control things themselves."
I've got a case of the Bad Grammars! Forgive me.
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:All At Once: The Fray
I will have to apologise.
I've been bad about reading/replying to people's journals.
I'm trying, and I'm getting lost, so please forgive me if I miss an entry or two or... *sob* more!
And I have 4 'memes' to get done, 2 from bendleshnitz1 and 2 from chickloveslotr...
I will do them, I will... Someday soon.
I've been trying to juggle playing my new game, keeping my email box cleared (which I am failing at!), and making sure the children are happy and not feeling neglected...
I was able to get some chores done yesterday, but for the most part I'm just trying to avoid doing anything I don't 'need' to do...
Well, besides the game (LittleBigPlanet). *laughs*
But, God, it's awesome (the game)!
I've been spending time learning and trying to create my own levels...
Aw, what a sorry excuse to not be paying attention to my friends!
I am ashamed!
Forgive me, I beg of you!
I'm going to stop typing and go read my friend's list!
- Mood:
busy - Music:Save Me: Queen
- 08:44 Damn mornings. #
- 10:45 Wow, no email in my Inbox... Success! Now to goof off until Kaylee wakes up. XD #
- 13:57 I hate having to fight with my daughter for the telly! *laughs* #
- 21:12 I swear I did not just spend 4 hours playing LittleBigPlanet.*shrinks* Okay, I am guilty... Damn, I want to build my own level: Mapping now. #
By the end of the day I was on cloud nine...
Come Monday afternoon I was crashing hard.
Today, Tuesday morning, I'm alright again.
I feel Bi-polar.
Sunday we started by patching the air mattress before heading out.
We went into Pittsfield to do some shopping.
I ran into Best Buy with the remainder of my gift card and a $20 bill I had saved from last pay check, and I bought LittleBigPlanet.
Then we ran by CVS to drop off a script, and pick up the refill for Kaylee's Lasix.
Next door we did our grocery shopping at The Big Y.
Then we ran over to Wal-Mart to do the other shopping: diapers, hair dye, deodorant, and such.
When we got home it was starting to snow, finally, after most of the snow from this season melting...
I made tacos, which were the greatest (of course).
I spent time colouring and playing with my Zoey bug...
Zoey and I ran outside to play in the dark and snow for awhile, around 7:30...
Then, when Leo finally headed upstairs, I tried my new game.
Then we headed off to bed, where the air mattress is still leaking, but at least not so I am on the ground within an hour.
I don't talk about sex much on here, mostly because it is between John and I...
Well, and under normal circumstances it happens quite often, enough that it would be littering my journal...
But when I was pregnant, it was not so much (though still a lot)...
However, until about last week I wasn't allowed, because of, well having a baby. XD
That, and when do we have the time!
So, Sunday night was something I needed
(Even if we have done it since Kaylee was born, this was something better)...
And it was the strangest sexual experience I ever had...
Not because of what we did, as we are pretty 'vanilla' as
usagi would say...But because of what I was doing while it was going on...
That, however, I will not post about though, you don't need to know.
So Sunday night I was fucking insanely happy when I went to bed snuggled with John and Kaylee.
(Zoey was actually asleep in her own bed!)
I was feeling like the luckiest woman alive (and I am!)
Monday I woke up to see the beautiful snow was melting very rapidly under the sun.
Then I had the issue with Zoey waking Kaylee EVERY single time she fell asleep...
And Zoey just was being a pain in general, not listening to anything and being quite demanding for things she does not need.
When John got home he told me two pieces of news that did not improve my day...
The first was that he kind of had an accident in the car.
Someone bumped him when trying to pass him down one of these snow covered, downward, hilly roads...
He ended up smacking the guardrail with the nose of the car and got stuck in a snow bank...
He was okay, but said the car was messed up some...
(I looked at the car, and it doesn't look any worse than I remember...
I honestly cannot tell, but the car is crap anyway.)
The second bit of news was that if audit does not go well at work next month he might be out of a job...
When he got up from his nap I dyed my hair.
It's not red-red... as my hair is dark.
And I am insane about my hair, I don't blow dry it or until last night, I've never dyed it.
I would love to have a lighter shade, more orange hair, but I am not willing to bleach my hair first.
I can't phantom destroying my hair and setting myself up to be dying forever.
And to wait to grow it all out again would be simply stupid, as my hair has been left to grow since Middle School...
(Well, I trim it every other month, but other than that it has just been growing.)
If you do not know, my hair is down to my arse...
Here is a crappy picture I took this morning around 8:30...
(I just woke up (hence the eye colour) and I have not done shit to my hair besides throw it up in a ponytail before running downstairs to feed the children.
Oh, and my lip was bleeding.)
The dye has basically made the natural highlights of my hair more prominent.
Normally, I have a bit of red in my hair, but you only see it when I'm out in the sun really (and I don't do sunlight much).
I do love it, though, it's so pretty...
I needed a bit of a change, it's not too drastic, but enough to give me a little bit of a lift.
Any ways, the smell from the dye gave me a fucking headache for the rest of the night...
Well, that and Zoey still being a pest...
Oh, yeah, and spotting doesn't make my day...
...
I didn't sleep much last night between feeding Kaylee and Zoey being up since John got up at 6:30...
I do feel better, though...
I am not as stressed as yesterday, I needed that small amount of sleep I got...
Now to try to juggle the kids, dishes, catching up on my emails, a little bit of laundry, and tidying up the bedroom...
Might give in to only handling the kids, though... *blinks*
- Mood:
okay - Music:Discotech: U2
Finally...
And I have only a brief window to post an entry...
So...
I've bought a game for Playstation 3, it's LittleBigPlanet...
And I cannot wait to play it...
And I have bought hair colour!
It's Colorsilk #45.
I'm going to be a redhead.
John promised to help me do it tomorrow.
I will post pictures, of course.
Okay, I will go now and try to weasel myself into the seat with the Playstation controller.
*snickers*
- Mood:
anxious - Music:I'm On Fire: Philip Quast
- 14:08 Today might be errand day. Today might not be errand day. Today I might disappear. #
- 16:33 I wish it were snowing. I'm bored. #
- 17:40 Okay, all bets are off for tonight. *sighs* Now to figure out what to cook, as there will not be any eating out. =( #
- 17:43 Okay, dork, Root Beer has no caffeine, so how will this help me with my need for caffeine? #
- 18:51 Yeah, I'm delaying the process. What are you going to do about it? #
There is nothing more satisfying to me right now than to feed Kaylee.
Breastfeeding is a very beautiful and magical thing.
I gave her life, and now I sustain it.
The power of being a woman.
I love it.
- Mood:
loved - Music:Night Surgeon: Repo! The Genetic Opera Soundtrack
- 12:03 Trying to get caught up, I'm horribly behind. #
- 12:57 My daughter (Zoey) has far too much energy, she needs to share! #
- 14:03 I'm trying to figure out what to make for lunch. I am thinking shrimp sounds so good, but I'm out of cocktail sauce. XD #
- 14:11 There is nothing more satisfying right now that being able to nurse my Kaylee. *snuggles* I am in Heaven. #
- 14:32 Trying not to haunt my journal anymore today, it is really really hard. XD #
- 14:52 Cheez-it crumbs on the keyboard. Damnit. XD #
- 15:10 What ever should I watch on NetFlix now? #
- 15:19 Alright, alright, I will unplug. #
- 16:41 1. John brought me flowers (fake, but it's the thought that counts)... 2. Why are 90% of the phone calls in this house from telemarketers? #
- 17:42 There is so much to choice from I end up watching NOTHING... WTF. *blinks* #
- 18:19 I've got a bit of a headache... And I need to go make dinner now. #
- 22:23 I made popcorn, as I was still a little hungry after dinner, but my daughter has run off with it and she and John
are polishing it off. :( # - 22:52 All the pictures of me look the same. XD\ #
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